Triggers: The Why Matters
In order how to understand how triggers work and how to avoid them, the larger question of the why a person is triggered must be addressed. A preoccupation with pornography might begin as just that--a preoccupation/bad habit--but it can easily move into the realm of addiction. Leading research suggests that triggers point to the reasons many become dependant on pornography. Triggers, it turns out, are pretty important to understand.Pornography triggers are internal or external catalysts that create a desire to look at pornography. You might be thinking that the reasons people look at pornography are obvious--sexual desire. But it's not that simple. Because people become outright addicted to pornography very easily, and research suggests that it is not just because of what is happening on the screen, but because of what the person viewing it is escaping from.
The Sexual Addiction Cycle
In his book "Out of the Shadows" Dr. Patrick Carnes describes the cyclical nature of a dependence on pornography, or how this addiction begins, escalates, and eventually takes over a persons life. He describes four stages of sexual addiction that expert Weiss elaborates upon to give a clear picture of why this particular vice so easily begins to take over lives. People using pornography should take the time to understand how this cycle works.Dr. Weiss' Six Stages of the Sexual Addiction Cycle:- Triggers (Shame/Blame/Guilt)
- Fantasy (Control)
- Ritualization (The Bubble)
- Acting Out (Release)
- Numbing
- Despair (Shame)
Stage 1: Triggers
Dr. Weiss explains that triggers are catalysts that make a person need something to make them feel better. Catalysts can be many things including, "both emotional and physical discomfort, either short- or long-term. Depression, anxiety, loneliness, boredom, stress, shame, anger and any other form of emotional or psychological (or even physical) discomfort can easily trigger an addict's desire to escape, avoid and dissociate." So these feelings that are uncomfortable must be met in either a healthy way--like conversation with family, a therapist, etc.--or the person will move on to Stage 2.Stage 2: Fantasy
After being triggered, the user becomes preoccupied "to the point of obsession" with sexual fantasies and desire to view pornography. Dr. Weiss says that at this point they will use unless intervened.Stage 3: Ritualization
Dr. Weiss says that this stage is also called a"bubble" or"trance" because the person's fantasies move closer to reality (like logging on to their favorite pornography site, or shutting the bedroom door and isolating themselves) and real-world concerns disappear. Ironically, it is this stage that gives users the high that they seek, not the actual acting out itself.Stage 4: Acting Out
Weiss describes the sexual release as something users try to prolong because they are ultimately not after orgasm but an escape from emotional discomfort. Acting out ends the "high" and throws users right back in the reality of their day-to-day problems.Stage 5: Numbing
This is the big denial stage. It is where the user tries with all their might to minimize what they just did in order to avoid feeling what comes next. Here, the user tells themselves "If she treated me better I wouldn't have too" or "It's not cheating because I didn't actually touch another person"or "This is personal, no one else's business."Stage 6: Despair
Once denial abates, the user begins to feel shame, guilt, remorse and powerlessness against the addictive cycle they are spinning in. Weiss says it best: "...whatever reality it was that they were trying to escape in the first place returns, bringing with it the self-loathing, anxiety and depression they were probably already experiencing. And, as you may recall, this is exactly the sort of emotional discomfort that typically triggers sexual addiction, which spins the self-perpetuating sex addiction cycle back into stage one."Know Your Triggers, Stop the Cycle

Triggers: Internal & External
According to Weiss, triggers are either internal or external. These are all about a person experiencing emotional discomfort, like fighting with a spouse, being berated at work, having a fender bender, etc. Those feelings trigger the need to look at pornography to numb negative feelings in much the same way a person would reach for a cigarette, drugs, food, alcohol, etc. Internal Triggers:- Boredom
- Loneliness
- Anger
- Resentments
- Fear
- Anxiety
- Sadness, grief and/or depression
- Stress
- Shame
- Frustration
- Feeling unloved and/or unwanted
- Feeling unappreciated
- Travel (especially solo travel)
- Ended relationships
- Unstructured time alone
- Negative experiences (of any type)
- Positive experiences (of any type)
- Unexpected life changes (of any type)
- Substance use or abuse
- Unexpected exposure to sexual stimuli (driving past a strip club, seeing a sexy magazine at the newsstand, encountering an attractive person, etc.)
- Financial problems
- Arguments
- Family issues
[…] and secrecy makes us feel like we are alone in our struggles and feeling alone is one of the main triggers to retreating back into pornography. Without something to interrupt this destructive pattern, shame […]
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