Recently, I published a survey to try and understand a rather unknown demographic: women who are hooked on pornography. The results of the survey caused me to think deeply about the mission of this company, because of some negative perceptions regarding Ever Accountable’s position against the importance of free sexual expression. After much reflection and research, I was reminded why I believe in this company’s purpose, goals, and mission and would like to remind our clients and readership why we are here.
Let me clearly state right away that Ever Accountable exists for people who need it. It exists for the person/partner/family who has lost hope because pornography has taken over their freedom to operate without it.
Does “Good” Pornography Exist?
Basically, the counter argument to ours (that pornography is inherently destructive to individuals, families, partnerships, and women specifically) is that people must be free to express and engage in their sexuality however they want. I heard arguments that ethically-made and distributed pornography exists, that many people use pornography in their intimate relationships to positive effect, and that many people enjoy it without it ever becoming a burden or destructive.
Of course we all have different experiences which inform our perspectives. If you or a loved one have never been hurt by it, pornography might seem just fine.
Our Position is No. Pornography Stinks.
Research and personal accounts shows that pornography is a problem to countless individuals, couples, and families. For every “ethical” bit made, there are loads made violently and unethically, leaving life-long physical and emotional wounds. It has been linked to sex trafficking, prostitution, dehumanization and violence against women, not to mention adult & child depression, adult & child anxiety, erectile dysfunction, broken relationships, and broken families.
Pornography can Lead to Addiction. Addiction Ruins Lives.
It has been proven to be addictive because it becomes a preoccupation and can take over a person’s life, same as drugs and alcohol would. Leading researchers in the field of cybersex and sex addiction view the reasons people become addicted the same as any other addictive substance:
Generally, addicts do not perceive themselves as worthwhile persons. Nor do they believe that other people would care for them or meet their needs if everything was known about them, including the addiction. Finally, they believe that sex is their most important need. Sex is what makes isolation bearable. If you do not trust people, one thing that is true about sex and alcohol, food, gambling, and risk is that it always does what it promises–for the moment.
–Dr. Patrick Carnes (Patrick Carnes. 2001. Out of the shadows: understanding sexual addiction, Hazelden: Center City, MN. p. 16)
Addiction of any form, to anything that preoccupies an individual and takes them away from family, education, health, freedom, life, including pornography, causes isolation, secrecy, hopelessness, and devastation.
Ever Accountable Exists for People Who Need It
Ever Accountable very clearly supports the human right to choose for oneself, obvious in our software itself: we offer accountability and sharing, not censoring. We understand that pornography exists and will exist and there is nothing we can do about that.
Our mission is to provide help for people to get their lives back on track. We do not judge your human right to look at pornography, spend 6 hours on your smartphone, smoke cigarettes, gamble, spend your paycheck at the casino, shoot up, or drink 5 long island ice teas. You do what you will, and we are here to help if the addictive substance that is pornography escalates and you need us. We will give you as much help as we can and will believe in your ability to recover with our whole heart.
We are also here for couples and families who desire transparency in their relationships. We are here for upkeep, and for prevention.
We will continue to publish research about the dangers and violence of the pornography world. We will encourage our customers and the rest of the world to stay away because we are neck-deep in conversation and research about the topic. We cannot help but want to warn everyone away.
Ever Accountable is an app to help people live a life free from pornography. To live above it and without it.