Porn can be one of the most isolating problems you can possibly have.
It’s a vice that most people use in complete secrecy. Because it causes so much guilt and shame, and it’s hard to admit to others you have a porn problem.
However, if you’re serious about overcoming porn use, one of the most effective ways to do this is to get an accountability partner.
The big question is: HOW?
Not only is it difficult to open up to someone about your porn problem, but opening up to the WRONG person can backfire and leave you feeling hurt and hopeless rather than encouraged to fight your problems.
That’s why in this article, we’ll go over what makes a good porn accountability partner, where you can find accountability partners, and a few tips on how you can get the most out of your partner!
Table of Contents
Why do you need an accountability partner anyway?
Firstly, porn is a problem that’s extremely difficult to deal with by willpower alone.
Yes, some people are able to power through this. But these people are the exception, not the rule.
Accountability partners can help you set your goals and stick to them. By checking in with you regularly, they can ensure that you’re making progress towards your goals, and help you when you’re sliding backwards.
A good accountability partner can also keep you motivated. They can listen to your problems and struggles and encourage you when you lose steam.
Finally, with a good accountability tool, your accountability partner can even monitor your online activity to make sure you steer clear of porn.
Speaking of which…
What makes a good porn accountability partner?
Here are a few key things to look for when choosing a porn accountability partner.
Keep in mind that while it’s great to have someone with all of these characteristics, most people will only check one or two boxes (and that’s okay!). As long as your accountability partner has one of these, they can already be of great help to you.
Someone who cares about you
Talking to strangers about your problems can sometimes feel nice. However, once you’ve finished venting, the stranger goes away, and you’re back to square one.
Even worse than a stranger is a friend who, once you’re finished spilling your heart out, makes you feel like your problems are trivial or not worth their time.
That’s why when it comes to finding a good porn accountability partner, choosing someone who actually cares about you goes a long way.
Winning your battle against porn is not something that happens overnight. It’s a long process with victories and failures, so having someone who will be there for you through all this is important.
2. Someone who understands what you’re going through
If you’re looking for marriage counseling, would you go to someone who’s been single all their life? Or someone in a long-term relationship who has experienced all the ups and downs of marriage?
Of course, you’d choose the person who’s experienced it all!
When it comes to a porn accountability partner, it also helps to choose someone who is also struggling or has struggled with porn before.
Porn is a unique problem that not everyone understands. To some people, giving up porn might seem as simple as just “deciding” to stop. But everyone who has struggled with porn addiction knows it’s not that simple.
That’s why it’s certainly helpful to have someone who understands your problem on a personal level.
3. Someone who is a “safe space.”
Are you someone who struggles to open up to your loved ones?
Don’t worry, you’re not alone.
The truth is, sometimes, loved ones might not understand your problems. Instead of helping you fight your porn dependency, some of them might judge you.
Other loved ones, especially spouses, might be hurt by your porn use. And they may not be the best person to open up to about this problem.
Either way, getting a negative reaction from a loved one can be hurtful.
So hurtful that it might prod you to never open up to anyone about your porn problem ever again.
That’s why if you don’t have someone in your immediate circle that you can trust as a “safe space,” you can look for that elsewhere. Often, strangers can provide a safer space than your loved ones can.
Where to find porn accountability partners
So now that you know the characteristics of a good partner, where can you find one?
Depending on the people in your life, you might have someone who is the perfect accountability partner, or you might have to turn to professionals for help.
Either way, here are some places you can look.
Spouse / Girlfriend / Boyfriend
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The great thing about having your spouse as an accountability partner is that there’s no doubt they care about you.
The not-so-great thing about having your spouse as an accountability partner is that they might be incredibly hurt to hear about your porn use.
Even if your spouse isn’t hurt and is willing to help you, they might not understand why quitting porn is so hard in the first place.
That’s why choosing your spouse as an accountability partner is tricky. And if you’re unsure how they’ll react when you open up, you might be better off looking elsewhere first.
However, if you’re certain your spouse will be a good accountability partner, why not?
You probably won’t find someone who cares about you as much as they do, nor will you find someone as available as them!
2. Pastor / Minister
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Another place where you can look for an accountability partner is at your local church.
Pastors and ministers are well-equipped to handle people opening up to them about their problems. Not only are they experienced, but they can also be a very safe space to open up.
The downside of going to a pastor or minister is that they might not be able to provide the level of attention that you need.
They’ll surely listen to your problems and check in on you occasionally, but because of how busy they tend to be, they might not always be available to help you.
Aside from that, people in the ministry may or may not understand how porn dependency works, especially if this is a problem they never had to deal with themselves.
They might be able to guide you through it and help with scripture and support, but sometimes, their advice might not be as effective as someone who has lived through it themselves.
3. Therapist
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Therapists can be a tremendous help in your battle against porn.
Yes, there are therapists and counselors out there who specialize in porn addiction. And not only are these therapists accustomed to helping people with your exact problem, but they also offer a safe space.
However, as effective as seeing a therapist can be, they might not make the best accountability partner.
The reason for this is because seeing a therapist can be expensive.
These people are professionals, but they’re not necessarily your friends. There’s a fee to see them, so you might not be able to talk with them as much as you need to.
4. Friend
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A close friend can potentially be one of the best porn accountability partners.
Opening up to a close friend about porn use isn’t going to be as tricky as opening up to your spouse—they’re far less likely to be hurt by it.
If your friend is someone you grew up with or spend a lot of time with, they can have a much deeper understanding of you and your background compared to ministers or professionals.
Not only that, but a good friend can really hold you accountable. When you falter, they can rebuke you. When you succeed, they can celebrate with you.
The only downside is that not everyone has a friend who’s willing to help them with this problem. But if you have someone who is, they can be a great accountability partner.
And if the options above don’t work, consider joining an online porn recovery community and meeting up regularly. Before long, you may find someone further along in recovery to support you.
Having the “accountability conversation” can be tough - how to bring it up
Talking to someone about being your accountability partner can feel intimidating, but most loved ones will see it as a sign you’re trying to grow. They’ll likely appreciate the trust you’re placing in them and want to support your positive changes.
The key is to keep it honest and simple. Be clear about the change you’re making, explain why you trust them, and let them know it won’t be a big-time commitment.
By offering to work together on what this could look like, you make it a more comfortable conversation.
Here’s an example of how you can start the conversation with a potential accountability partner:
“Hey [Name],
I’ve been thinking a lot about making some positive changes in my life, and I’ve realized that having accountability could really help me stay on track.
I trust you and value your support, and I was wondering if you’d be open to being my accountability partner in removing any access to pornography from my life.
This wouldn’t require anything of you except checking in and helping me stay focused on my goals and reading a couple of short reports that my accountability app will send you.
If you’re open to it, we can discuss what this would look like and what works best for both of us. I really appreciate your consideration!”
By approaching the conversation this way, you’ll likely get a supportive response—and remove the biggest obstacle holding you back from taking that next step.
Accountability partner online - what is online porn accountability
Modern technology has made it easier than ever before to access porn.
In the same way that modern technology has created challenges, it has also provided us with excellent tools for keeping you away from online porn!
Today, accountability apps such as Ever Accountable allow you to take porn accountability to the next level.
Instead of just talking with your partner about your goals and having them check in on you occasionally, you can have them monitor your daily online activity. Should you ever view porn or other explicit imagery, your accountability partner will be notified.
Porn accountability apps not only allow your accountability partner to help you in your time of need, but it also serves as a strong deterrent.
After all, who would want to watch porn with their accountability partner looking over their shoulder?
That’s why 95% of people who use online porn accountability tools like Ever Accountable say they reduced their porn consumption immediately—and 63% of people say they’re porn-free after just one month!
So once you’ve found your accountability partner, porn accountability tools can potentially help you reach your goals faster.
Conclusion
Finding a good porn accountability partner is a crucial step in your battle against porn.
Again, porn is not something you can typically defeat with willpower alone.
So don’t wait! Use the suggestions above to find the right porn accountability partner for you!
In order to make your accountability partnership successful, consider downloading an app like Ever Accountable today.
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